Twenty... something

Time seems to be moving faster and faster each year. Months seem like weeks and weeks seem like days. Time, for the first time, starts to feel finite. The thirties are approaching, and with that, the pressure to be on the “right track”, whatever that means. Everyone around me seems to be asking themselves three questions: Why do I suddenly have back pain? When did things get so serious? Is this all there is?

The twenties are a fascinating decade, if only for the incredible diversity in experience between 21 and 29. As a teenager, change is intensive but expectations are clear cut; do well in school, get a good job, and don’t rebel too much. For someone in their thirties, concrete expectations return, with stability, home ownership (if that will still be a thing), and marriage and/or kids. The twenties are the gap in the middle, or as Michelle Andrews and Zara McDonald call it The Space Between.

Recently, I’ve been wanting to dig into this experience more, both as a check for myself on what I want out of life and also out of curiosity for what those around me may be going through. If you’re in your twenties reading this, one thing I want to stress is that everyone will have an opinion about how you should live your life. In part, this may be well meaning. For others, there may be a financial incentive to do so (a podcast that offers to fix your life, without saying how to fix your life, wouldn’t make a lot of money). So go grab a coffee, and take a lot of what I write (and the thoughts of others) with an initial grain of salt.

Okay, let’s get into some of the big ideas…

The limitations of time

As opposed to the general mortality of life, the main pressure in my twenties has always been the dreaded thirties. Whenever I think of what I want to do, it is always “what do I want to do before I turn the big 30”. Thirty is a completely arbitrary number, but it does fit nicely with our tendency to set goals around nice round numbers.

Overall, we just start to create milestones. These can be absolute, in the form of “I want to do X by Y date”, or relative “I want to do X before I do Y”. According to a survey by Relate, a provider of relationship support in the United Kingdom, 83% of Gen Z respondents reported feeling pressure to reach life milestones, compared to 70% of baby boomers. Gen Z adults spend longer on average obtaining education, and this can result in a rush to accomplish things like marriage and children on the same timeline as previous generations.

Home ownership is another traditional milestone that is being pushed back. The Canadian Real Estate Association posts statistics about housing prices across Canada. Home prices have exploded over the past two decades, leading many in their twenties to have to save for much longer than previous generations to afford down payments.

Uncertainty

Climate

Perhaps the biggest uncertainty facing twenty-year-olds today is the climate. We know that the effects of climate change are going to get worse before they get better (if they get better), but there is a wide range of scenarios depending on how government policy develops over the next few decades. Knowing this, even questions such as “how much should I save for retirement” can be thrown into a complete tailspin, because there isn’t a point in saving for retirement if the world is burning. Anxiety around climate has become increasingly more prevalent, and research has begun exploring the new topic of climate psychology. Insurance premiums are likely to increase dramatically in many places (in North America due to forest fires and hurricanes), but those that have to pay more may be the lucky ones compared to who cannot afford to escape the effects of deadly heat. It is taxing to live in such a world, and brings with it complex moral considerations around the most ethical way to live in such a world.

Some great books that I have enjoyed to help me think through climate and the future are Not the End of the World, Catastrophe Ethics, and Factfulness. I am not at the stage where I am not saving for retirement, however I do think that this is a problem unlike any humanity has ever faced before. We have had victories (such as the Montreal Protocol), but we will need many more if we are to avoid hundreds of thousands of needless deaths.

Economic

In addition to uncertainty about the climate, there is immense uncertainty about the future of the economy, and particularly, work. The pace of technological change is faster than it has ever been, and this means that industries are getting disrupted once a decade instead of once a century.

Current trendlines around how to pay for all the services we will need to support people through such transitions are also uncertain, with debt going up in Canada (as it is almost everywhere around the world). How much this matters is a fierce debate amongst experts, so many in their twenties are left with a scary looking chart, but cannot be sure just how much it will end up mattering for their life.

Ego

Social Media

We could all be famous in a second. Never before in human history has the everyday person had the ability to rise to fame in days, only to fall in weeks. All of this is acutely measured quantitatively by likes.

I don’t have any social media except for Mastodon, however I do see the effect of social media on those around me. Upward comparison is particularly detrimental. Most people I talk to use it begrudgingly, wishing that it didn’t exist at all, so that it would cease to be the main way that we communicate as a group of twenty somethings. With the deluge of research on the effects of social media on mental health, there still isn’t consensus on whether social media use harms mental health, but there is broad consensus that mental health is getting worse for most age groups (so the two are definitely correlated). I will note that most of this research focuses on teens, not young adults, but the same principles driving uncertainty would still apply. We are still in the early days of the internet, including early days in the impact it will have on reshaping society and human psychology.

85% of Instagram influencers are between the ages of 18 and 35^[1], portraying lifestyles that a twenty something should have. MrBeast, a massive YouTuber who creates outlandish videos, is only 26. It can be difficult to not feel like you are doing something wrong when so many young people have seized the internet by storm.

Removal of a clear road map

When in an academic setting, milestones are defined incredibly clearly. By following a rubric, and working hard enough, you can usually expect a good grade. Effort -> reward is a causal pathway. After school, however, there are so many more factors that play into how life turns out. Is there an economic downtown the year that you graduate? Is your family wealthy? Are you free from sickness? Did you pick the right stocks? Did you meet someone to build a life with?

This can be difficult for those that have based their self-worth on academic achievement. In part because that clear causal relationship is removed, but also because it becomes apparent that grades never really mattered that much in the first place. People will always find something to compare on, and sooner or later that shifts from academic achievement to money, to partners, to kids.

My thoughts

I don’t want to paint twenties as too doom and gloom. I have enjoyed them, and am optimistic about the future. I am inspired by the people that I see around me every day trying to make the world a better place. The world is a different place than it was in generations past. People are becoming parents much later, with the average age of parenthood shifting from 21 to 27 for first-time moms and 27 to 31 for first-time dads. For urban first-time moms, the average age is now 30^[2]. There is simply more education to get through, or more training to get caught up in an ever more complex world.

Due to this complexity, careers are much more specialized, which can make underemployment more prevalent while twentysomethings wait for their dream job. I’ve been fortunate to have a career that has taught me a lot across different areas, and that I’ve always felt challenged by, but I recognize that is the exception.

To all the other twentysomethings out there, hang in there, and if you have any comments about what I have written here feel free to reply by email using the button below!